


I Wanna Be Your Left Hand Man

by fadingtales



Series: Riptide [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Companion Piece, Divergent Timelines, F/M, Fluff and Angst, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 19:52:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3394250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadingtales/pseuds/fadingtales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Or the Four Times Oliver Used Morse Code and the One Time Felicity Does)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wanna Be Your Left Hand Man

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cubitalfossa](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Cubitalfossa).



> Companion fic to Oh, And We Come Unstuck, but can be read alone and is set after the mid-season finale (3x09). Prompted by Cubitalfossa. Title from Vance Joy’s Riptide.

He didn’t know how long he laid there in the snow, his life draining out through the wound in his chest, blood puddling in his lungs. He must have broken every bone in his body from the fall so he is almost grateful for the cold. The cold and the blood loss would claim him before he can drown. He had already drowned once, on the Queen’s Gambit. He remembered the spluttering, the strangled cries for oxygen when there was none, the burning. He didn’t want to go through it again. The ice burns differently here.

 

He shut his eyes, he doesn’t know if it’s voluntary, but the world felt too bright, too blinding. He blinked and suddenly there’s a warm familiar body lying beside him in the snow.

 

He blinked again, twice, and she’s still there. Blonde hair whipping in the icy wind, glasses frosted, but lips impossibly pink. He tried to gasp, but finds that he can’t. She reached out a hand and cupped his face with it.

 

“Shhh, you’ll be okay,” she said. “You’ll be okay.”

 

And he wanted to scream. He doesn’t want her here. She shouldn’t be here. He can’t have her lying beside him as he dies, bleeding out into the snow. He still couldn’t find his voice, but he felt tears trickle down the side of his cheeks. She brushed them away with the warm tips of her fingers, searing his skin where she touched him.

 

He tried to speak again, to beg her to leave, but his mouth remained frozen shut. He prayed she is a hallucination and he shut his eyes again. Even with them closed, he still felt her warm breath on his face, ghosting over his blue lips.

 

“I need you to fight, Oliver,” she said, her voice like a siren’s in the storm.

 

He opened his eyes and she’s still there. Curled beside him as if they were basking on a sunny meadow instead of frozen rocks. He noticed that icicles clung to her skin, but she looked much too serene, too unaffected. She must be a hallucination. She has to be. His brain’s final grasp for life.

 

 _You’re not here_ , he thought.

 

He still couldn’t make his mouth form words, so he tried to touch her instead. His fingers are stiff, but they manage to find purchase on her cheek. He tapped his question into her skin in morse code.

 

_You’re not real._

 

“Yes. No.” the not-Felicity said. “But in a way, aren’t I always with you?”

 

Her answer stirred a mixture of both relief and disappointment. Glad that she wouldn’t have to witness him dying, wretched that he would never see her, the real her, ever again.

 

He had tried to be brave with her before he left. Yet, now, near his last breath, those three words seem infinitesimally incomplete. He felt himself growing greedy in his last moment, wanting and yearning for so much more. The thing that he wanted the most was more time. More time to kiss her, more time to tell her how much he truly adore her, more time to apologize for how long it had taken him to realize how much she meant to him. And now it’s all too late.

 

“It’s not too late,” the not-Felicity said.

 

Frost had crusted her eyelashes and when she blinked they shimmered. It made looking at her hurt and he had to shut his eyes and look away. She doesn’t let him. Her hands, impossibly warm for all the ice that clung to them, held onto his face. Keeping her gaze on his.

 

“Fight, Oliver,” she urged. She seemed so real. So achingly real. Her ferocity so genuinely Felicity, it made him want to cry. “Fight to live. Fight for us. Just like you’ve always fought for Starling.”

 

I can’t. His fingers tapped the response against her skin. He didn’t have any more fight in him. He’s not as strong as she makes him out to be, he never was.

 

“You can,” she replied swiftly. “I believe in you. I’ll always believe in you.”

 

And then she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.

 

“Come home to me,” she breathed, her voice wispy against his mouth. Oliver felt his eyes fluttering shut against her warmth.

 

xxx

 

In Stars Lab, a million miles away from the glacial mountains where Oliver fought Ra’s, Felicity jerked awake beside a slumbering, unresponsive Oliver.

 

For the past month since they had found him, she had remained by his side, whispering words into his ears as if she could coax him out of his coma with her babbling. Barry and Caitlyn and Cisco had been much too heartbroken to stop her when she clambered into the hospital bed with him, sobbing and desolate and shattered. It’s already been a month and everyone was still too afraid to tell her that Wells had already declared him brain dead upon arrival. She wouldn’t believe them anyway. That’s the way Felicity was. Stubborn and relentless.

 

The movement that woken her up had been slight, insignificant really. It shouldn’t have been enough to stir her, but she had been sleeping fitfully for days, plagued with nightmares of Oliver falling over a mountain side again and again, sword plunging into his chest, blood gushing from him, draining away, jerking her awake with a scream halfway out of her throat. There were no screams this time. Just the pounding of her heart as she watched Oliver’s right hand, his index finger, twitch, just the slightest.

 

She sat up quickly, sure it was a trick of her rest deprived mind, the result of sleepless nights and not eating enough. And then it happened again. Another twitch of his fingers. It seemed almost purposeful. As if he was trying to tell her something.

 

On the third time, she shouted for Barry who came rushing in in a blur, followed by Diggle and Roy and the entire Star Labs team.

 

“It’s Oliver,” she cried, stumbling towards them. “He-he… his finger twitched.”

 

It was Caitlyn who spoke first. “Felicity… Sometimes the muscles in coma patients can spasm involuntarily. The electr-”

 

“No,” she declared, shaking her head vehemently at the sight of their crestfallen faces. “No, he’s in there. He’s awake in there. I know it. You didn’t see it. It wasn’t just a reflex. He was trying to tell me something. He’s in there!”

 

Barry exchanged glances with Digg and then he turned back to Felicity, his mouth open, poised to say something, but he never got a chance to say it. A loud beep echoed through the room.

 

“That was the brain monitor,” Cisco pointed out unnecessarily. Caitlyn and Felicity were already at the computers. The machine beeped again, registering a spike in Oliver’s brain waves.

 

Felicity didn’t say a word, no “I told you so’s”, no nothing. She just started sobbing into Diggle’s chest, smiling through the tears.

 

“He’s alive, Digg. He’s alive.”

 

Diggle wrapped his arms around her tightly, fighting back the stinging in his own eyes. He looked over at Oliver, noticed the twitch of his fingers. For a moment it seemed like Oliver was saying:

 

_I’m coming home._

 

 

Oliver’s different upon waking. Felicity noticed it right off the bat. He didn’t fight or argue when Digg declared that he needed to take a break before jumping back into the suit and hitting the streets. He also took all the meds that Roy brought to him without complaint. He even went so far as to pull the younger man into an unexpected hug which caused Roy to freeze and splutter, the tips of his ears turning bright red. And most of all, he’d taken a habit to touching Felicity whenever possible. A soft brush of fingers whispering over her elbow, her shoulder, her knuckles, as he passed. He doesn’t say anything and for the first time the ever babbling Felicity found that she couldn’t say anything either. It all felt too fragile and she just couldn’t bring herself to shatter it.

 

Sometimes she thinks, if she strings all those moments together, each small touch will spell out a promise.

 

_I will never choose to leave you again._

 

At least that’s the way she interpreted the blinks of his eyes as she placed the mask over his face and the careful rasps of his breath as she reached forward and pulled the hood over his head. It’s been weeks now and they can’t put off the Arrow’s return to the Glades any longer. The city needed him, she knows, but it doesn’t stop her from hesitating, fingers poised above the green leather glove she just helped him into.

 

“Oliver…” she started, but can’t seem to bring herself to finish. She wanted to say that she didn’t want him to go. That the thought of him out there still terrified her, that she had spent all of the previous night tossing and turning, imagined the worst possible outcomes. He’s not ready she wanted to tell him. But that would be a lie. She was the one that wasn’t ready. She’d mourned him once, she did not think she would survive a second time.

 

He doesn’t say anything, just squeezed her hand tightly in his gloved one. Finger tapping a short rhythm onto her bare skin.

 

 _I’ll be back_ , the gesture seemed to say. Felicity is no expert in morse code, but she’ll allow herself this daydream as she watched him turn and walk away.

 

“Don’t worry, I have his back,” Roy promised, following closely on Oliver’s heels.

 

Felicity still held her breath until the moment she saw him again at the bottom of the stairs.

 

 

Oliver won back his company. For a moment Felicity’s afraid of what’s next, because even if her heart is not with Ray Palmer, she still considered him a friend and Ray was never the enemy. She worried for nothing. Oliver bought back his company, but he named Ray Palmer the CEO.

 

“You were always better at the whole… running the business part of it anyway,” Oliver told the other man. “I think we both just want the company to succeed… so, if you’re up for it...”

 

Ray glanced at her, just a moment, before he took Oliver’s proffered hand in his.

 

“I’m game.”

 

They are both just men with visions for a better city after all. Felicity has to excuse herself to brush away the prideful tears tickling the corners of her eyes.

 

Hours later they are sitting across from each other, paperwork strewn across the table between them. Felicity had been helping him finish dotting all the i’s and crossing all the t’s.

 

“I wanted to discuss your position within the company.”

 

Felicity inhaled slowly, she knew this was coming. She’d given it a lot of thought and as much as she’s missed him, Felicity was reluctant to go back to the status quo. Girl Wednesdays were much more glamorous in the movies than they were in real life and she’d gotten a taste of what it meant to actually do work that she loved, work that she was good at.

 

Oliver slid a business card across the table.

 

“What’s this?”

 

“Lucius Fox’s business card.”

 

“Yes,” Felicity said. “I can see that… why are you giving me the CEO of Wayne Enterprise's business card?”

 

“Because he would like to hire you.”

 

“But I work for you,” she pointed out.

 

“No. Not anymore.”

 

Felicity felt her brows knitting together. “Oliver, I don’t understand-”

 

“You’re too good, Felicity. You’re… _brilliant_. I’ve known that… from the very beginning.” He took a breath and then met her eyes. “I did an injustice to you. I used our… relationship to keep you close, to keep you working for Queen Consolidated, doing jobs you were completely overqualified for so that you’d be close to me.”

 

Felicity held her breath, each of his words felt like a double entendre. With Oliver you always had to read between the lines.

 

“And despite all that, people have noticed your talents. People like Lucius Fox. He’d like to offer you a remote consulting job. You could stay here in Starling and still get access to the best that Wayne Enterprises can offer in terms of tech, research, and resources. Of course there’ll be some traveling, but--”

 

“Oliver, I can’t do that. I want to be here. With Queen Consolidated. You still need me, you only just got back and--”

 

Oliver closed his hand over hers, stilling her words.

 

“And I can’t be selfish anymore. You deserve better. This is… an incredible, unique opportunity. An opportunity I can’t give you myself right now. I still have a lot of rebuilding to do, Ray will help with that. But you’ve done enough. You’ve put your life on hold too many times for my sake. I won’t have that anymore.”

 

“You’re… firing me,” Felicity said.

 

Oliver shook his head. “I’m setting you free.” He leaned back in his chair, a wary smile on his face. “I’m no longer your boss, Felicity Smoak. And I… I hope we can become partners one day.”

 

“I thought we already were.”

 

Oliver just smiled at her, this strange enigmatic smile. And for a second time, Felicity couldn’t think of a single thing more to say. So, she stood, taking the card with her.

 

Just as she was about to leave his office, she heard the click-click of Oliver’s pen. He was looking at her across the long conference table, with that strange smile on his face, and this should all feel bittersweet, but somehow it didn’t felt like goodbye. It felt like he was saying: _we’ll be together again_. It felt like… possibility.

 

 

Oliver was sure that he died for the third time when he found out that Ra’s Al Ghul took Felicity hostage. That or something keenly similar to a heart attack. He received the phone call from Felicity’s assistant during a conference meeting and nearly keeled over. She’d been on a trip to Gotham and apparently never arrived. He was her emergency contact and they were worried.

 

It didn’t take him long to figure it out. He’s already on a flight to Nanda Parbat before Diggle had a chance to chew him out. Nanda Parbat was where Ra’s killed him once, and if Oliver has learned anything from the man it is that he liked symmetry. Of course, Felicity was the type to take pre-cautions. She’s worked long enough in the vigilante field to know that kidnappings could sometimes be a job hazard and she left him a healthy bread crumb trail to follow.

 

The rules of the duel are of no consequence this time around. Oliver reckoned that Ra’s lost that honor the moment he took Felicity. And what Ra’s will find out is that while Oliver was a subpar swordsman, he’s incredibly lethal with his bow and arrow and the love his life dangling on the line.

 

Rage has a way of channeling the natural killer in Oliver. It’s not something he’s proud of, but at the moment he’s grateful for it.

 

He held Ra’s life in balance at the tip of his arrow and he recalled Felicity’s plea the first time he decided to face off with Ra’s. _Kill him. You have to kill Ra's al Ghul._ That’s the only way this will ever end, he knew that in his gut. The path of the Demon’s Head and his are now intertwined. The only way to unravel it would be for one of them to die and he had promised Felicity (not so much in words) that it wouldn’ tbe him.

 

“What are you waiting for boy?” Ra’s declared, haughty even now, two arrows through each thigh, two more through each knee, one through his Achilles, a couple more in his arms and one through his dominant hand. The Demon’s Head looked more pincushion than man.

 

Oliver felt his fingers tense on his string--

 

“Oliver, don’t!”

 

And he didn’t need to turn to know the look in her eyes.

 

“I was wrong. You don’t have to kill him. I’m alive and I’m okay. So you don’t have to kill him. You’ve killed once for me, Oliver. I won’t be the reason you do it again.”

 

And she doesn’t need to say more, because his fingers have already loosened upon her first cries.

 

Ra’s spat on the ground. “You made a grave mistake. You had the element of surprise this time, I will not be caught off guard again. I promised I would kill you and I am a man of my word.”

 

Oliver turned to meet Ra’s eyes. His right eye was swelling up from the cut Ra’s inflicted, but his gaze was clear.

 

“You did kill me. The Oliver Queen that left this mountain the first time… I’m not that man anymore.”

 

And maybe Oliver was being optimistic, but he saw something like satisfaction reflect in Ra’s eyes. And without saying anything further, he took Felicity’s left hand into his right and together they hobbled down the mountain.

 

xxx

 

Felicity attacked him with first aid and blankets the moment they reach the bottom. He hissed as she pressed her fingers to his wounds.

 

“You’re going to need stitches,” she declared. “Like, lots of stitches.”

 

He may have won the fight, but Ra’s Al Ghul was not called the Demon Head for nothing.

 

“Hey! Stay with me, Oliver!”

 

Oliver heard her voice drifting in and out of his ears, garbled, like he was underwater. Somewhere in the back of the mind he realized that he was bleeding from somewhere. A little too much perhaps, his vision was blackening at the edges. He knew that his limbs felt much too numb and he should feel colder than he does.

 

“Stay with me!”

 

He felt strong, small hands cup his cheeks, spreading warmth all the way down his body. He wanted to open his eyes, wanted to see her face, tell her not to worry, but his body felt like lead and he couldn’t find the strength.

 

“Don’t! I won’t have you come save me only to lose you again. Stay with me, Oliver. I love you. _I love you._ Stay with me!”

 

And through the dizzying whirlwind of his mind he thought his heart skipped a beat. She loved him. She loved him… He wanted to cry, he wanted to sob. Most of all he wanted to kiss her, but when he tried to take in a breath, he ended up coughing. Blood sprayed the floor where he retched and gasped for air. He fell back heavily and he felt Felicity’s hands tremble as they tried to staunch the flow of blood from his wounds.

 

Since he couldn’t find his will to speak, he took her hands, trembling into his. She tried to yank it back, “I need to stop this bleeding--”

 

He held her hand firmly, tapping onto the back of it.

 

_I love you most._

 

There’s more he wanted to say, more eloquent words that could better convey the depths of his feeling for this girl, this blonde bundle of light and hope. But even his fingers felt too heavy.

 

He didn’t resist when the darkness came to claim him this time. She’s alive. That’s all that matters. If it’s his life for hers, he thinks it’s a bargain exchange. His last memory is of her calling out his name.

 

 

He woke up to a warm fire blazing nearby and an unfamiliar room. He should be alarmed, but the ghost of Felicity’s presence was felt through the scattering of makeshift bandages on the floor, the scent of her -- something sweet and pink, he thought -- wafting through the air, and… a familiar flat steel box resting beside his head. He doesn’t know how she had gotten all these things, aside from the box.

 

Just as he reached for it, Felicity emerged from the entry way, her hand occupied with a bucket full of spring water which she used to fill the brass pot over the fire.

 

“That saved your life,” she said, lifting a flat steel box up for him to see. There was a clear rip in the metal, a sword’s entry point. “I found it in your breast pocket.”

 

Oliver pushed himself up on his elbows, despite Felicity’s protest.

 

“You’re not supposed to see that yet,” he rasped. She immediately got him water.

 

“Save your breath. You nearly died… twice.” The last word was a whisper, Oliver could see Felicity fighting against the urge to shudder. “You’ve been asleep for three days now.” She reached for the ladle and brought a spoonful of water up to his lips. When he finished, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He felt much too good for someone who nearly died twice.

 

“Where are we?”

 

Felicity hesitated, looking away at him for a moment. “Ra’s guest quarters.”

 

Alarm filled Oliver and he could barely make out words. “And why would he help the man who nearly killed him?”

 

Felicity did meet his eyes this time. “Because I told him that he owed me.”

 

Oliver wrinkled his brows together. “What?”

 

“A life for a life, I told him. I stopped you from taking his. Now he owes me a life. And I told him, I wanted yours.”

 

“That could have gone very differently… if Ra’s --”

 

“It doesn’t matter now,” she said. “You’re alive. It was worth it.”

 

“Felicity, no--”

 

“You didn’t know how it felt to mourn you,” she interrupted him. “You didn’t know what it was like for me to lie beside you, not knowing if you were ever going to wake up again. I grieved for you once, Oliver. And I know that in this line of work… what we do… there is a chance that I’ll have to do it again. But not if I can prevent it.”

 

She let out a breath and took his hand, palm open, into her own. With her index finger she tapped softly into the center of his hand. And when she finished she looked up at him expectantly and he felt like the wind is knocked out of him, he could barely breathe.

 

_I can’t lose you._

 

“How long?” he gasped.

 

“How long have I’ve loved you too?” she asked, tilting her head a little as if in contemplation. “I would say maybe it was that one time you told me if I needed someone to tell about my day that I could tell you and suddenly any time I was excited about something, every time I was happy, the person I always thought of first was you. Which was crazy because really no one should be thinking of their boss or anyone who dressed up in a leather suit on a daily basis that way. Or maybe it was even as early as when you fell into my car with a bullet wound like a crazy person pleading for my help to do the impossible and save the city. I never did get that stain out of the back of my car. I should’ve charge the dry cleaning to your bill-”

 

He shook his head, stopping her in mid-ramble. “How long have you known?”

 

She quirked an eyebrow at him. “It took me only a few hours to learn C++, did you really expect me to take that long to pick up on morse code?”

 

She smiled and he couldn’t resist any longer. He leaned forward, caressing her cheek with one hand, and he kissed her. Kissed her with all of his longing and his love, kissed her the way he had imagined he could all those times when he couldn’t and wished he could. Kissed her until he had no breath left.

 

They broke apart, panting a little, foreheads rested against one another’s.

 

“I had fantasized about this you know,” Felicity said in a small voice.

 

Oliver chuckled as her cheeks turned pink.

 

“I mean, not just… _you know..._ that. But… _this_ ,” and she gestured between the two of them. “I mean… if this is a this. I still don’t know what your stance is on us. I had hoped things would be different when you woke up and I’ve been wanting to tell you so much, but it felt so miraculous that you even came back to me and it just felt too selfish to say anything. I know you probably still think we can’t be together, but --”

 

“Felicity?” he stopped her rambling with another kiss. Softer this time, chaste even. But sweet. He waited until she opened her eyes again and looked at him. “I want to be together.”

 

He reached over to pick up the small flat metal box where Felicity had left it beside the bed. He fingered the gash through the center.

 

“You said… you said this saved my life.” He carefully pried open the box, revealing a pair of rings. There were nicks along the edges, but he’s learned that there are times in life when nothing is perfect. And he was okay with that. “I’ve… I’ve been holding onto this for a long while now. Ever since I got back.” He spilled the rings into the palm of his hand.

 

He cautioned a glance at her. Felicity’s mouth was slightly parted, eyes riveted by the contents of his hand.

 

“They’re… promise rings,” he said, suddenly feeling shy. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “I made them after Diggle and Lyla’s wedding. I had hoped… I don’t know. I guess I made them as a promise to myself. That one day…” he looked up again at her and this time she met his eyes. “That one day I’d find my way to be with you.”

 

“Oliver…” For a third time, Felicity couldn’t find her voice.

 

“It was a silly thing to do. Something I did to… I guess to comfort myself for choosing not to be with you. For dangling maybes. But I told Ra’s the truth. The Oliver that met him that first time on the mountain top… I think that Oliver died that day. I don’t want to wait for a day to come when everything is going to be perfect. I’m starting to realize nothing ever will be. Not if I keep doing what I do, and I think we both know, I’m in this too deep to stop. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did.”

 

Felicity drew her bottom lip between her teeth, found it hard to meet Oliver’s eyes. He lifted her chin with his free hand.

 

“But then I realized there are other things I couldn’t fathom living without. And even if we are not together… it’s pretty obvious to everyone how I feel about you. And it’s rather stupid of me to try and avoid it.” He felt sheepish again, rambling on so much. He let out a nervous laugh. “Aren’t you going to say something?”

 

“I agree that you were being stupid,” she replied.

 

He laughed and he didn’t mind that it hurted a little. The pain meant he was alive, that this was real.

 

He held up the ring to her. “Felicity Smoak,” he said. “I promise that I will try, even if things aren’t perfect. I promise that I will live even if life gets hard. And I know that I can’t promise forever because honestly we both don’t know how much time either of us has in this world, but I will promise to love you with all that I have. Even if I make mistakes along the way. Will you promise to try and love this incredibly stupid idiot?”

 

Her eyes are shining and her lips are pulled into a grin when she taps her answer with her index finger against his lips.

 

_I promise._

 

And he slipped the ring over her finger.


End file.
